Allow me to introduce... gosh, I guess I don't really know his name, do I? I sure wish I could tell you what he goes by (if you happen to recognize him, please pass on the info), but until I have a name, I'm going to call him Turd McDouche.
Turd is the proud new owner of my old laptop, having snatched it off the counter at the shop last Friday. He and his two buddies stole their way through the Proctor District that afternoon and in addition to a variety of things they got from other stores and offices, they managed to hork my computer off of the counter when my back was turned.
I was helping a customer with a tent when I looked up and saw one of Turd's compadres on his way behind the counter, head down, looking for something. Anything. I knew immediately what was going on and I started for the front, but it was too late. There were two of them in the store when I got nearer the entrance and as they beat a retreat through the front door and to the right, I saw Turd across the street, looking back at me and tucking the laptop under his thief-coat. As he started to run, I took off after him, but quickly realized 1) that I probably wasn't going to catch him and, 2) that his buddies were hanging not far from the door, most likely hoping I would take the bait and chase him, leaving them free to go back inside and suck the till dry. Probably part of the plan.
I lost a lot when that laptop was stolen. A crap-load of photos, half-written articles, emails. I got a new computer yesterday, but it's not the machine that is so valuable, it's what the machine can do. And I don't have those things anymore, a lot of them, anyway.
So, Mr. McDouche, I hope you enjoy your new computer. Or someone - maybe the person you traded it to for three hits of meth and a pinner - enjoys it. And please, if you get back to the neighborhood again, stop in and say hello. I would truly love a chance to meet you face-to-face.